Saturday, July 10, 2010

Crack babies and porn art models, Craigslist is here to help YOU!

I have applied for dozens of jobs since I graduated college over a year ago, scouring every resource from companies' websites to word-of-mouth to Craigslist.

Yes, Craigslist. That is how desperate I am. I can't knock it too much because I did find an apartment and a boyfriend there on different occasions, and even though the relationship is now over and I'm living with my new boyfriend in the apartment owned by the cheapest landlord EVER, I am not dead and have not had my identity stolen so I would say I have had relative success with the site.

Still, I know that over half of these employment "opportunities" will end up being pyramid schemes or credit scams. But I remain hopeful and always faithful in my ability to avoid obviously shady and too-good-to-be-true deals.

Some, posters, however, insult my intelligence. I received the following e-mail today:


Thankyou for your resume.

I am forming a small team of dedicated professionals who will assist our foundation to become established and functional.

The foundation is for abandoned and very sick babies.(alcohol syndrome and crack)

Unfortunately I have lost my funding and would need volunteer services until funding is re-established.

After that all the team would be paid in the six figures on a long term basis.

Call me on 614 *** **** if you would like to be part of this team

Sincerely

John


A few things:

1.) This is for a supposed "grant writing" job, and the guy can't even write. To be fair, that might explain why he NEEDS the writer, but still.

2.) As if it is not fucked up enough that he refused to name the organization in the ad, he is equally as vague in the e-mail responding to my "I am interested to hear more about your organization blah blah blah ass kiss" e-mail. And to make up for the lack of information he simply tells me that the org. helps infants with fetal alcohol syndrome and drug addiction, hoping that I will assume he is legit based on that fact alone.

3.) He says he has no money to pay me right now but will suddenly be able to pay me a six-figure salary when...well, I guess he did not say when and how the funds will materialize. But they totally will, I'm sure, because non-profit organizations are just doing fantastically in this economy right now. It sure is a good thing that the few wealthy people left are also generous and sympathetic toward the impoverished, as rich people are known to be. So if I take this job I'm sure I'll be making bank. Some day.

Another promising prospect:

painting/drawing model (near east side)

I am a young, professional artist looking for a model for 3 hour drawing sessions. You do not need prior experience. I am looking for someone who really likes art, but you need not know anything about it. I am looking for someone who is willing to work with me on projects, but I am not looking for someone with a repertoire of poses.

The ideal candidate would be pretty, young (18-25), athletic or skinny. I would like someone who is willing to listen and cooperate. I am, more than anything, interested in someone who will evoke interest. I am in desperate need of a muse.

I can pay 40/3hr. We would begin with a seated, clothed pose, but long term I want someone comfortable with their nudity.

If you are interested:
Please email me your name, a picture, and a short bit about why this interests you. don't be shy or anything. It's okay if you just want $40. Whatever. I am only in people who tell me what they think, even if it's a lot of mysterious crap I don't understand. Really, just be upfront. I will respond with images of my work, but I will say I am skillful with a pencil and have done many life size figure sculptures, etc.

This could be a long term appointment.


Or this one:

wanted: nude female models (harrisburg pike, columbus)

i am a local photographer looking to add some erotic photo's to my portfolio. i currently do not have any and would like to expand my portfolio versatility. so if your looking for some erotic photo's for your lover or are looking to start a portfolio or add to some pics to an existing one, contact me to set up a day and time to do a shoot. the shoot is a time for cd shoot. i have a private make shift studio and it will take app. 3 to 4 hrs to do shoot.


I could also go for these, but seeing as I have neither the petite frame the first guy seeks nor the need for "erotic photo's for my lover" I will have to pass. I sure wish I could help out these "skillful with a pencil" struggling artists who are looking to build their portfolios - after all, they need their practice photographing young, hot women because that is what art is about. Hopefully someone steps up.

In the meantime, here is what I have to offer.

Twenty-three-year-old college graduate seeks a job that involves the following: sitting in a dark room. Two hour lunch breaks, paid vacations, a six-figure salary, and benefits are to be included.

This job will involve none of the following: greeting customers, answering phones, or generally talking to anyone. There are also to be no checklists, standing up, or shifts that begin before 10 a.m.

Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Bagel Fairy

1 comment:

  1. I bet you could get some legitimate job offers if you posted that exact note on Craig's List :)

    ReplyDelete

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