Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Checking In

I am still on a little hiatus while I figure out what to do about this computer situation. In the mean time, enjoy this little parody of work life from Banterist.

OFFICE REFRIGERATOR POLICY

PLEASE DATE AND INITIAL YOUR FOOD.

NOTE CALORIES AND FAT GRAMS IN THE CALORIC INTAKE LOG SO THAT THE COMPANY DIETARY CONSULTANT HAS AN IDEA OF WHAT YOU’RE EATING.

TO BETTER KEEP THE REFRIGERATOR ORGANIZED WE’VE DEVELOPED AN EASY-TO-MEMORIZE SYSTEM:

R - RELISHES ON THE TOP DOOR SHELF
E - EVERYTHING THAT’S SODA TO THE LEFT
F - FOOD
R - RADISHES AND OTHER VEGETABLES IN THE BIN
I - ITEMS THAT FIT IN THE DOOR, GO THERE
G - GET BUTTER IN THE BUTTERPLACE
E - EGGOS GO IN THE FREEZER
R - REALLY SMALL THINGS ON THE TINY SHELF
A - ALL COFFEE CRAP ON THE BOTTOM DOOR SHELF
T - TALL THINGS ON THE TOP
O - ONIONS ARE VEGETABLES (SEE SECOND R)
R - REPEAT

IF YOU SEE A FOOD THAT OFFENDS YOU OR IS OUT OF LINE WITH YOUR DIETARY OR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS, PLEASE GIVE IT TO HUMAN RESOURCES FOR BINDING ARBITRATION.

PLEASE DO NOT USE THE BRITA WATER PITCHER IF YOU HAVE NOT ATTENDED ORIENTATION (SECOND THURSDAY OF EVERY MONTH). IF YOU NEED WATER BUT DO NOT HAVE THE CREDENTIALS TO USE THE PITCHER, ASK LUKE IN ACCOUNTING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT HOCKEY AND YOU’LL FORGET YOU WERE THIRSTY.

REMEMBER: THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR SWINGS OUTWARD. PLEASE RESPECT THE DOOR’S SWING ZONE. IF YOU ARE UNSURE OF THE DOOR’S SWING ZONE, PLEASE ASK MANAGEMENT TO INDICATE IT ON THE FLOOR WITH A SHARPIE.

PLEASE TREAT THE REFRIGERATOR AS YOU WOULD YOUR 97-YEAR OLD GREAT AUNT ON A STAIRCASE.

PLEASE DO NOT CALL IT A FRIDGE BECAUSE MANY LARGE APPLIANCES FIND THAT ARCHAIC AND OFFENSIVE.

REMEMBER: THE REFRIGERATOR IS A PRIVILEGE AND NOT A RIGHT.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: HAVE FUN!

4 comments:

  1. Excellent post!!!

    Hope you get your pc fixed soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. 'Really small things on the tiny shelf', excellent. My work fridge has a post-it on the door saying 'Stay out of my milk you c**ts'.

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  3. Hahaha, love it.

    Favorites:
    I - ITEMS THAT FIT IN THE DOOR, GO THERE
    G - GET BUTTER IN THE BUTTERPLACE

    This made me laugh. Thanks for that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That entire note is priceless. I really love how there was a reference to an employee who talks too much, but for the whole office to know. How does anyone get away with this at a serious office and HR lurking around?

    ReplyDelete

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