Monday, March 26, 2012

30 Letters: Day 13 — someone you wish could forgive you

Classmates,

I cannot be certain of who belongs in this category. I guess that depends on how accurate our memories are. Some of you may not remember clearly enough to know that I owe you an apology, while others might remember more than I do, and would therefore deserve one without my knowledge. So, this goes out to anyone I ever said or did hurtful things to when I was young.

You see, I was generally a nice kid. But I was also an insecure kid. Until I reached high school, I wanted nothing more than to be popular. I wanted to be pretty and have a nice body and have boyfriends. For some reason, that mattered to me more than the good people and good things I already had in my life. I wasn’t popular, but I wasn’t exactly unpopular. I was average, and like most insecure, average people, I tried to make sure that those I considered beneath me stayed there.

I wasn’t exactly a bully. I didn’t generally go out of my way to find people to pick on; I simply went along with whatever the established opinion was of a certain person, and acted accordingly. I’ve come to realize that I was just as cowardly as a bully; not only did I pick on kids who didn’t deserve it, but I didn’t even have the balls to decide for myself who it would be.

For anyone who was ever hurt by me, for whatever reason, I am truly sorry. I wish I could say I didn’t know better, but I did, and made my choice anyway. I hope you find the peace, success, and dignity as an adult that some of us denied you as children.

Apologetically yours,

A (Semi-) Reformed Asshole

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